Some people develop a quietude like there’s something biggie them.
Monday, September 9, 2019
Sunday, September 8, 2019
So, why...
...does she make this message ring loud and clear? You don't have to do it to get by, and you might not save the day by being mean.
(continued)
The world is following me, but they are also following someone else and trying to ruin it for me with this person.
(continued)
I think they are following someone trying to "suck up" to them and everyone caught on and now think they can just do it and be sorry and go back like it wasn't wrong....
It's like, "Oh, maybe, this person gets mad at Christina for not solving her own problems and realizing it's too late for her or she always was shit. I'll just look for controversial topics as it catches on with the whole rest of the world of people who are like me."
Hm, I don't think I'm worse than most people, but maybe my family didn't eat as much. However, it's not your place to react like an animal who can't think and just snap at them because a lot of people believe in eating healthily but are poor. Eating healthily I believe is eating a lot of healthy food. Being a hard worker in any way means eating enough food and not overworking so you get tired in the end and not do any work.
It's like, "Oh, maybe, this person gets mad at Christina for not solving her own problems and realizing it's too late for her or she always was shit. I'll just look for controversial topics as it catches on with the whole rest of the world of people who are like me."
Hm, I don't think I'm worse than most people, but maybe my family didn't eat as much. However, it's not your place to react like an animal who can't think and just snap at them because a lot of people believe in eating healthily but are poor. Eating healthily I believe is eating a lot of healthy food. Being a hard worker in any way means eating enough food and not overworking so you get tired in the end and not do any work.
(continued)
People think there's more in store like I have to have always been perfect and they find out.
(continued)
They think they're something. They even made themselves believe the world's only problem was me.
Problem
I heard someone on YouTube talk to their dog like they were punishing me "finding out" if I had it good in my life and if I did anything wrong they would find out and everyone would bother me.
People keep freely chosing to talk nasty taking out their anger on me.
Question
Why are some white schoolgirls so secretly aggressive to girls they know are not all white? Aren't they supposed to be studying and playing with the class?
The Deciding Factor
Southern Europeans, maybe especially in the US, are afraid to admit their faces are not Caucasian in some ways if they say Asian is not even human, by that measurement. They are so mean to me! I'm 1/2 white 1/2 Asian. I have more Irish than any other European.
Question
Why does my relationship life matter to you?
Edit: because people fight it in my daily life like I don't matter
Edit: because people fight it in my daily life like I don't matter
Racism in Hollywood?
Do you want to wait until you get in a movie to show you're uncomfortable racially?
Problem
Do you like people in high places acting like you’re in trouble and getting away with it? Being able to take advantage of you and manipulate your life while everyone banks on it at that point, like you’re bad?
Mistreated
However, an older lady I know is forced to hit the spot like she’s a baby.
So, think back. What did she do to get herself herself in this situation?
So, think back. What did she do to get herself herself in this situation?
Happiness "for the Rest of Us"
People don’t want me to be happy or have anything and not them and go crazy sometimes subconsciously on race. Germans aren’t sorry.
“Be careful...”
I shouldn’t have to be careful because of some people like I could get cancer from them.
Well?
Germany needs to admit they’re not all that. I still like them in some ways. I wish I could play violin there now.
Edit: This was a continuation of thoughts in my previous post. I mean people are not superhuman.
Edit: This was a continuation of thoughts in my previous post. I mean people are not superhuman.
Non-White Races in a Cage, White Races Need “Slaves...”
Some people will ruin your life somehow collectively if you don’t do everything they say. Don’t “fear” Germany and its Nazis.
You will have to live like your ancestors and remain globally suppressed maybe somehow...
People should leave people alone...
Loneliness
Why are there so many Late Boomers feeling good not administering to lonely Generation X?
Poor American Musician...
Germans can celebrate classical music done in a good way, but Americans are the opposite.
Problem
People are counting down by telling me I can't affect people in enough ways sexually.
There's no Christina happy with you in the end.
There's no Christina happy with you in the end.
Who is this?
I wonder why people only pick on my relationships.
Other people are turned down only to poke in my business.
I didn't say I don't want the people I know to feel bad. Why are people suggesting I am a problem? They think they aren't problems.
Other people are turned down only to poke in my business.
I didn't say I don't want the people I know to feel bad. Why are people suggesting I am a problem? They think they aren't problems.
Whatever My Relationship Decides/Wants
People aren't ruining anyone, just my relationship, the fact I have one.
Only bad people usually do that.
Only bad people usually do that.
Friday, September 6, 2019
Less and Less “Sex”
I got drift I swear they thought I was in trouble and I would not have any relationship.
College Ballet
I may be able to do it at the college nextdoor. They don't have the ballet minor at my main college, anymore. It's musical theater with just the 1st level of ballet.
People Using People
People are not a toss up, like toys or "objects of wealth."
(I deleted a similar post and posted this instead now.)
(I deleted a similar post and posted this instead now.)
My Hair
I'm pretending I'm a blonde ... where ... lighter is better!
I don't want it all white, though, or all red.
I don't want it all white, though, or all red.
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Why I Am Still Here-
I've stuck myself to posting online long ago but still not enough earlier in time to be "legit."
It has been my escape. I locked myself from my family! and just posted online for years! 12 to be exact if you count all the years since I started, but I literally locked myself in my room for 2 1/2 years. I don't talk, sing, laugh, joke, etc., as well, and people still ignore me if I'm good at posting online.
Still, all I seem to see is my family and people nagging at me when I go grocery shopping with my dad, etc., or to the mall or something.
It has been my escape. I locked myself from my family! and just posted online for years! 12 to be exact if you count all the years since I started, but I literally locked myself in my room for 2 1/2 years. I don't talk, sing, laugh, joke, etc., as well, and people still ignore me if I'm good at posting online.
Still, all I seem to see is my family and people nagging at me when I go grocery shopping with my dad, etc., or to the mall or something.
Concerned
at my futile attempts in violin might sink like my singing ... crunching time when I am publicly humiliated and socially downgraded and in relation.
Normal Person With Odd Problems
I'm considered bad for being sad about my problems, like I'm "just like everyone else" on their bad day.
"Look Me in the Eye"
I follow a German orchestra online, and I see some of them staring at one of them.
Edit: following that person's every move, it seems
Edit: following that person's every move, it seems
"Finders, Keepers. Losers, Weepers."
It seems now if I meet anyone I like a lot they will be hypnotized from me.
Do Music Like Crazy
You can't even match a Broadway tune on a MIDI file.
*Disclaimer: I'm making up people to talk to.
*Disclaimer: I'm making up people to talk to.
*But They Did It!!!*
People keep saying motherly people should have your happiness stolen and given to them.
..and it's official, again!
I am to go to Loyola and take German, the intermediate and advanced courses at the college nextdoor.
Now, to get into violin, double stop scales (2 notes at a time.) I just can't seem to find the right book!
Now, to get into violin, double stop scales (2 notes at a time.) I just can't seem to find the right book!
I gotcha there!
Everyone keeps agreeing that people are wrong who hurt me, but they still think I'm in trouble!
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Interesting
You can share friends but not mates, though I am polysexual and asexual.
Pop music seems like it's all about mating. I do think that is because of how special Baby Boomers were and how their Generation X children weren't accepted by them and had to strike out on their own socially with one another.
Pop music seems like it's all about mating. I do think that is because of how special Baby Boomers were and how their Generation X children weren't accepted by them and had to strike out on their own socially with one another.
Fear
I see videos of young adults learning violin it seems more than I expect, you know maybe 4, and they all seem to tremble in fear at what they think they can do starting this late in the game, you know like age 20 or 30 I'm guessing. I feel that people are acting like I should, too. What happened to my musicianship? "Oh, Christina might have just as well quit even singing, she almost did, but she didn't, until she started violin..." You know, I found there were other violin books out there my teachers didn't talk about and I could've been good by now. I guess it's like piercing your ears, when you start and anticipate it, you should feel free to practice.
"Too Late" or "When Enough Is Enough"
How much have some people stopped to revere others who can't seem to be happy with others? Maybe, they all wish they did something like being a movie star or some sort of celebrity or rich person. Well, I guess they don't e-mail me, but I can advise them here to make a goal and reach it and then be happy they did finally. I don't know all the details in stone, but I think this is possible. I guess they know if they even are famous that there are other people who people care about even if they aren't as pretty or popular.
Derangement
Who is who?
Everyone is different in some way, but I don't think people care.
I see people as resting from not doing as much homework and then being less tired and looking more ready to fight for their social status and probably their race and ethnicity.
People used to say they make Hollywood stars skinnier and skinnier, while "real people" get fatter and fatter.
It seems I don't get my turn for attention or I'm a dud. Sure, you can argue I have it going for me saying I know someone people relay they are jealous of. However, I exist in the real world, too, and have before, as well, of course. That is what I'm referring to. I'm not sure what you do when you meet people you like a lot or get special status. You still have issues, even if everyone listens to you and you're in charge. So, most people like to ignore me, when I try to get attention. I'm not really confined to the creme of the crop, neither.
Everyone is different in some way, but I don't think people care.
I see people as resting from not doing as much homework and then being less tired and looking more ready to fight for their social status and probably their race and ethnicity.
People used to say they make Hollywood stars skinnier and skinnier, while "real people" get fatter and fatter.
It seems I don't get my turn for attention or I'm a dud. Sure, you can argue I have it going for me saying I know someone people relay they are jealous of. However, I exist in the real world, too, and have before, as well, of course. That is what I'm referring to. I'm not sure what you do when you meet people you like a lot or get special status. You still have issues, even if everyone listens to you and you're in charge. So, most people like to ignore me, when I try to get attention. I'm not really confined to the creme of the crop, neither.
"Getting to Know You" / "Lemon Tree"
Possibly, if you start to get or try to get more comfortable and casual with people in new ways...
It's official.
I can take advanced German classes at Tulane while at Loyola in music, in New Orleans, and the colleges are adjacent.
Nope
I don't admire how people at church try to have authority over me. I was in church choir age 8-18.
"Equal Opportunity" and Access
Do you get at least the same opportunity your parents had, or are other members of your generation cutting you down, in favor of your parents?
...and now?
The organ is great, but I feel naked because I've played it, in my past.
Hey, look, though, everyone claps to see the orchestra. That's great, for them.
Hey, look, though, everyone claps to see the orchestra. That's great, for them.
It's not hard, to tell.
People not involved in things I observe might agree it's petty and a pity, but it's not the same reason. I think people are really set up against me in their efforts to stall me in my footsteps. It's not that they're silly. It's that they are prejudiced against me. They're out to get me. They, in a word, think I'm in trouble and for selfish reasons of their own, like racism as a tap out, and I disagree, of course. It's an elaborate mess, and I've wasted a lot of time and have observed of much regret. I wanted to think I was building up, but that was cast down as selfish, that I hope for a surprise party or something socially, which I had, but I wasn't on top of things; people denied my talents and things I enjoy because I wasn't as advanced technically in any one thing. I cannot say I was good if no one admits it in any said way than just in the wind. Maybe, I was just good at performing in front of a crowd, sparked up. I am auditioning for The Nutcracker and maybe some plays if I don't make that. It might be good for me and make me function better, if not too busy. They didn't reveal the schedule. I informed them I was dancing.
Someone told the world what to do and it listened.
Someone told the world what to do and said we have to be like our parents because they wound up with no excuse for their status, how they behave, and said they were just an offshoot of their parents, the easy excuse of what to be proud of because their parents were fun.
Something Pathetic
I think someone wants me to act like a dweeb in the modern crowd, where I used to stand out as a good person, because they did it. What's even more pathetic is they set me up to manipulate many facets of my life. When they have no choice, they say I go down with the ship with them because they lost their chance anyway and say I'm related to them. If they read this, they'd still plow through and act like it makes sense.
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
"I figured it out," "like it or not."
I think my dad is getting too close to me with the people monitoring me in private. I don't reveal to him things that offend him.
People thinking someone did something really bad.
People want to get you over with by saying you aren't perfect and therefore never will be, like someone is guilty here ... so they can ruin your life socially to gain popularity. People with significant German ethnicity can be like this often.
"We shall overcome!"
People want to make it look like they make things better by hurting you because you overcome, anyway, with or without their influence.
Who Cares? - Generation X
How can you complain about Generation X being mistreated if you yourself say they don't matter? People believe this and must put pressure on others.
Con Artistry
People assume I'm lame, whereas other people are treated appropriately because of race.
I just wanted to see what it was.
I don't know all these exaggerations how all these other violinists are better than me other than that they were taught young to play all the notes in the other positions and play fast.
A Former Pianist Practicing Violin Alone
As a pianist, I must be more focused and dedicated to practice alone than orchestral instrumentalists!
What a joke!
Everyone used to say I was dedicated, but now they think I'm a joke at anything I like to do, like it's a crime!
Well, you have to acknowledge a lot of things if you're gonna waste your time wondering about that... I switched my instrument. I get bothered a lot. I dunno?
Before, I figured not much was in my learning material and I couldn't practice something like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" all day. I got more advanced and found my own material. There were things I could have done before!!!
Well, you have to acknowledge a lot of things if you're gonna waste your time wondering about that... I switched my instrument. I get bothered a lot. I dunno?
Before, I figured not much was in my learning material and I couldn't practice something like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" all day. I got more advanced and found my own material. There were things I could have done before!!!
A True Fight
If you are interested in something new, usually you are encouraged, but people are lashing out about how good they are because of when they started younger, etc. It's like it's a moral issue, if you didn't get to start something earlier or didn't know... (Like, you didn't know the reputation of certain activities later in life and things not everyone knows about it.) I also wasn't allowed. I like lots of things, as a result, like that.
For example, since I was good at gymnastics, not just flopping around, I was good at ballet, strong as a singer, strong hands to work the violin, etc. I was very strong, but I wasn't on a team and only went 2 times a week some of the time and sometime plus a fun day. I did cross country and was the highest female in JROTC for athletics, I think. Yea, people used things like JROTC to hang, "hang out." So, they weren't actually very very strong.
So, you have to be set up to want to do something maybe that your parents did, like Rene Fleming's parents were opera singers or teachers. She was also born in early 1959. She's very nice. From there, though, these days, people make a good argument. I like Celine Dion and have since Titanic (1997.) She was the youngest in a music family of 15 from Canada and is French I think.
I think I was just slammed to protect the precious talent of "authentic" German classical musicians. No one is interested in me because I changed my instrument. "It's supposed to be easy to learn a new instrument if you already know how to play another instrument." "It's supposed to be easier to learn a new instrument if you already played piano." I got in as a piano major, like it or not. I went to a school near home. Maybe, they value other things, but anyway I got in for organ and ended up in piano, too. I was let in without an audition, though I failed the 1st one. Maybe, it was because I had the guts to try a 2nd time.
So, I guess a lot of anger was let out on me because of generation pride, too. I'm worth nothing sexually because of my generation, among other things. I must have been in a bargain without knowing that I was worth dirt if I wasn't too depressed or fatigued to decide to play more violin, and when I did I was told they worked to make me when some people had worked to bother me, taking time from something.
I don't know if I will meet the standards of some music groups or entire countries, but I know I will be accepted somewhere, here in the states for a gig, something I should have been doing in high school.
So, the true fight is the idea you have to start an activity at like age 3 and stick with it. They believe in that here in the states. I'm so overwhelmed by it. Hey, I can use my gymnastics strength for other things when I see fit? I'm also intellectual to what I can be and seem to have developed hand eye coordination... So, I'm not just a hunk of meat or a developing pile of obesity.
For example, since I was good at gymnastics, not just flopping around, I was good at ballet, strong as a singer, strong hands to work the violin, etc. I was very strong, but I wasn't on a team and only went 2 times a week some of the time and sometime plus a fun day. I did cross country and was the highest female in JROTC for athletics, I think. Yea, people used things like JROTC to hang, "hang out." So, they weren't actually very very strong.
So, you have to be set up to want to do something maybe that your parents did, like Rene Fleming's parents were opera singers or teachers. She was also born in early 1959. She's very nice. From there, though, these days, people make a good argument. I like Celine Dion and have since Titanic (1997.) She was the youngest in a music family of 15 from Canada and is French I think.
I think I was just slammed to protect the precious talent of "authentic" German classical musicians. No one is interested in me because I changed my instrument. "It's supposed to be easy to learn a new instrument if you already know how to play another instrument." "It's supposed to be easier to learn a new instrument if you already played piano." I got in as a piano major, like it or not. I went to a school near home. Maybe, they value other things, but anyway I got in for organ and ended up in piano, too. I was let in without an audition, though I failed the 1st one. Maybe, it was because I had the guts to try a 2nd time.
So, I guess a lot of anger was let out on me because of generation pride, too. I'm worth nothing sexually because of my generation, among other things. I must have been in a bargain without knowing that I was worth dirt if I wasn't too depressed or fatigued to decide to play more violin, and when I did I was told they worked to make me when some people had worked to bother me, taking time from something.
I don't know if I will meet the standards of some music groups or entire countries, but I know I will be accepted somewhere, here in the states for a gig, something I should have been doing in high school.
So, the true fight is the idea you have to start an activity at like age 3 and stick with it. They believe in that here in the states. I'm so overwhelmed by it. Hey, I can use my gymnastics strength for other things when I see fit? I'm also intellectual to what I can be and seem to have developed hand eye coordination... So, I'm not just a hunk of meat or a developing pile of obesity.
Update About Me
I may go back to my original college, Loyola University New Orleans, because I should be able to take the German major at the college nextdoor, while auditioning to major in music at Loyola.
Otherwise, I can go up north at least to major in German, for now, another college I went to before, in the Cleveland, OH, area, Baldwin-Wallace University and Conservatory of Music.
It's hard because I changed my instrument from piano/organ and singing to violin.
Otherwise, I can go up north at least to major in German, for now, another college I went to before, in the Cleveland, OH, area, Baldwin-Wallace University and Conservatory of Music.
It's hard because I changed my instrument from piano/organ and singing to violin.
Peculiar Isolation
Is someone mentally ill if they can't stand to be around another race, in normal circumstances?
You can't always get what you want, even if it is the same race...
It would be hard to segregate with all the mixed races, may as well put them together. There are a lot of inside jokes and competition, but we seem prevented from being around one another.
You can't always get what you want, even if it is the same race...
It would be hard to segregate with all the mixed races, may as well put them together. There are a lot of inside jokes and competition, but we seem prevented from being around one another.
Calling It Racism
African-Americans etc. can point people out for racism a lot. They take it out on the vulnerable and underprivileged and disadvantaged.
College - There's always room for improvement.
I guess my schools weren't good at reading and lecturing.
I guess we should have spent more time organizing what we have to "memorize" or learn. It's not just a long list of words going in one direction. One tool to start with is to practice outlining, but it's a little hard/tricky and doesn't always work for everything. Make sure you take your vitamins because maybe it helps with your eyesight and speedreading for some of the studying...
I guess we should have spent more time organizing what we have to "memorize" or learn. It's not just a long list of words going in one direction. One tool to start with is to practice outlining, but it's a little hard/tricky and doesn't always work for everything. Make sure you take your vitamins because maybe it helps with your eyesight and speedreading for some of the studying...
I surpassed the kinds of people I'm around...
I feel like people consider that I've surpassed most people and that I was accepted by people from Europe if there were any questions overall. However, it seems I'm not good enough, even to people I like.
Everyone is just picking up around themselves and bringing my life to a halt in subconscious hopes they get ahead and I'm yesterday, "yesterday's news," for good. They're really doing something else because it's not as simple as that. It's also "not very nice!"
Everyone is just picking up around themselves and bringing my life to a halt in subconscious hopes they get ahead and I'm yesterday, "yesterday's news," for good. They're really doing something else because it's not as simple as that. It's also "not very nice!"
Authentic Spanish Architecture/Culture
I'm watching The Three Caballeros (1977.)
The old buildings may "just" seem primitive to you, but the Spanish had ancient European architecture. People dress modern today but see themselves cut out as an ancient European with ancient European culture as the roots of a lot of what surfaces.
In fact, people born in the 1970s and 1980s seem to have skedaddled out of here, leaving the past behind of what they even had in their life and what can ring a bell today.
The old buildings may "just" seem primitive to you, but the Spanish had ancient European architecture. People dress modern today but see themselves cut out as an ancient European with ancient European culture as the roots of a lot of what surfaces.
In fact, people born in the 1970s and 1980s seem to have skedaddled out of here, leaving the past behind of what they even had in their life and what can ring a bell today.
Ah ha!
I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres likes people talking about her. It seems she likes the style of Generation Z; however, they actually make brainless posts that tease other generations. She must be uptight/pressured about it.
Monday, September 2, 2019
Budgeting
If I didn't do dance, I might pay for more expensive healthier food, anyway. We're getting a NutriBullet RX, which has a recipe book I liked when I had it last time before returning it for another kind that broke.
My Schedule / Money
I want to save to see an orchestra from Germany when they come to the US, especially though if a violinist I like comes.
I want to save to go to a workshop for a week in Germany playing violin, too, which is mostly the plane ticket and inexpensive room and board, if a violinist I like participates/significantly.
So far, I still need to buy things. I have $450 a month. I'm starting dance classes again, too, which seems to be around $150-$200. I also joined a gym. I applied for a job, though it would be hard to do that, too, because I take the bus. I'm on pills now that make me tired, too. I really need the exercise because my metabolism was getting slower and my muscles weaker. Before, I jogged slowly for 30 minutes a day often. I like the treadmill etc. at the gym.
I want to save to go to a workshop for a week in Germany playing violin, too, which is mostly the plane ticket and inexpensive room and board, if a violinist I like participates/significantly.
So far, I still need to buy things. I have $450 a month. I'm starting dance classes again, too, which seems to be around $150-$200. I also joined a gym. I applied for a job, though it would be hard to do that, too, because I take the bus. I'm on pills now that make me tired, too. I really need the exercise because my metabolism was getting slower and my muscles weaker. Before, I jogged slowly for 30 minutes a day often. I like the treadmill etc. at the gym.
Question / Riddle
Is it about age or generation?
I mean, things like youth and clinging to your parental generation, for whatever reason... as opposed to marrying and starting a family of your own, yet. ...things like frolicking around with other people your type of development, like children, as opposed to I'm guessing feeling more like an adult compared to most people...
The riddle riddles on.
I mean, things like youth and clinging to your parental generation, for whatever reason... as opposed to marrying and starting a family of your own, yet. ...things like frolicking around with other people your type of development, like children, as opposed to I'm guessing feeling more like an adult compared to most people...
The riddle riddles on.
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